i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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