Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
