Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
