I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
