Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
