a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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