I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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