i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
