He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
