can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
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is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
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Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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