think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
