Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
