He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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