I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
