i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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