Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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