just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
