i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
