Fine. I'll sleep in my office
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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