Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld

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  (407): You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld http://tfl.nu/gdg6
  Replies (51) Good night (3733) Bad night (542)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?

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  (716): I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays? http://tfl.nu/wnqx
  Replies (24) Good night (9317) Bad night (710)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels

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  (225): i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels http://tfl.nu/zg26
  Replies (58) Good night (923) Bad night (8291)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?

  (1-802): View more from Vermont

  not the response he usually gets im sure.

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  (802): and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college? (1-802): not the response he usually gets im sure. http://tfl.nu/gci3
  Replies (17) Good night (1687) Bad night (3685)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.

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  (817): I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe. http://tfl.nu/w5m0
  Replies (6) Good night (3693) Bad night (1769)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.

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  (618): Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog. http://tfl.nu/c9by
  Replies (29) Good night (2344) Bad night (5048)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen

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  (201): there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen http://tfl.nu/0xt9
  Replies (17) Good night (5713) Bad night (1070)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.

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  (201): He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me. http://tfl.nu/n6mr
  Replies (12) Good night (6596) Bad night (1114)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.

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  (603): well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access. http://tfl.nu/o23q
  Replies (26) Good night (4017) Bad night (1512)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  ... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?

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  (480): ... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen? http://tfl.nu/sppe
  Replies (17) Good night (3537) Bad night (1545)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?

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  (206): Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right? http://tfl.nu/ikqz
  Replies (14) Good night (891) Bad night (5321)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.

  (254): View more from Texas

  Tornado warnings are fun!

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  (254): Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows. (254): Tornado warnings are fun! http://tfl.nu/9sqb
  Replies (13) Good night (3349) Bad night (1097)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day

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  (414): Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day http://tfl.nu/nn34
  Replies (3) Good night (4957) Bad night (1001)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence

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  (516): So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence http://tfl.nu/140k
  Replies (6) Good night (1541) Bad night (1010)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.

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  (609): He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler. http://tfl.nu/dd1c
  Replies (9) Good night (394) Bad night (993)

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