just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...