Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble

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  (617): when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble http://tfl.nu/6bym
  Replies (10) Good night (1638) Bad night (689)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to

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  (269): Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to http://tfl.nu/vc1c
  Replies (0) Good night (754) Bad night (890)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  that makes sense.

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  (850): the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you... (1-850): that makes sense. http://tfl.nu/5jmk
  Replies (16) Good night (7308) Bad night (778)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.

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  (214): We're like two naked peas in a sex pod. http://tfl.nu/sqen
  Replies (23) Good night (6383) Bad night (632)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?

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  (901): I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that? http://tfl.nu/6l8j
  Replies (13) Good night (899) Bad night (3666)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.

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  (903): The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while. http://tfl.nu/y23x
  Replies (21) Good night (7387) Bad night (1760)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.

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  (254): she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared. http://tfl.nu/cseo
  Replies (9) Good night (3108) Bad night (1005)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.

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  (410): I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in. http://tfl.nu/o54w
  Replies (2) Good night (1802) Bad night (943)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.

  (425): View more from Washington

  Not including when spray tanning

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  (425): It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom. (425): Not including when spray tanning http://tfl.nu/n9vy
  Replies (17) Good night (979) Bad night (4123)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me

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  (719): I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me http://tfl.nu/in6y
  Replies (3) Good night (2005) Bad night (861)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.

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  (862): Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving. http://tfl.nu/a5h0
  Replies (8) Good night (637) Bad night (1281)
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  (718): View more from New York

  Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.

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  (718): Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up. http://tfl.nu/gzqi
  Replies (4) Good night (1328) Bad night (472)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.

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  (610): I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously. http://tfl.nu/j7oy
  Replies (7) Good night (683) Bad night (1603)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero

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  (425): Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero http://tfl.nu/rxr0
  Replies (4) Good night (865) Bad night (252)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.

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  (304): Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint. http://tfl.nu/67cs
  Replies (2) Good night (712) Bad night (277)

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