my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
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the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
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You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize