my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.