What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet