Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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