so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My balls are so social today.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
