Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
