i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
