I wish I only lived at night.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize