i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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