My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
