I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
