Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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