I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
