I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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