my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
