I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
