she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
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If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
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I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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