I wish you could order shots online.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
