i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
