we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
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