Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
