And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
