Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
