his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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