My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
