it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
do herpes really smell.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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