I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
