My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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