i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
