So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
