Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
