I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
