he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Randomize
