He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
