My room smells like vodka and shame
I hate all girls vehemently.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
