What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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