have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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