$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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