he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
