He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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