sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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