If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
