I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
