there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.