Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
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Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
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The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?