Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell