I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
