I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
