i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
