So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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