I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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