I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
