the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
