alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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