i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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