saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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