Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sext me about skeletons
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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