I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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