I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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