sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
