She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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