Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
