ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
