Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
