I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
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Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
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Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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