Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
