she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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